DRILL TEAM: [IRAQ] OCCUPATION PROFITEERS

Costume/Props:  	Dark-colored [preferably black] suit jacket/blazer
			Dark-colored [preferably black] suit pants/slacks
			White dress shirt and tie [preferably dark-colored]
			Dark-colored [preferably black] dress shoes
			Sunglasses [preferably small/modern style] left breast pocket
			Cell phone [bigger is better for visual effect] left side pocket
			American flag [medium-sized with wooden pole] down left pants leg
			Halliburton Stock Certificate [LuQ made] right side pocket

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Drill Sergeant and Soldiers: [marching in with military precision] Boom shukka lukka lukka lukka! Boom shukka lukka lukka lukka! Boom shukka lukka lukka lukka boom!

DS: Pre-senting the Occupation Profiteers Cell Phone Drill Team! Faaaaallll in!

S: [Stamp feet, snap even more to attention.]
 
DS: Present shades!

S: [Present and put on sunglasses in unison.]

DS:  Are we not the greatest nation on earth - and in space?

S: Sir, yes, sir!

DS: And do we need those UN bastards to approve our invasive whims?

S: Sir, no, sir!

DS: Present Hal-iburton stock certificates!

S: [Present and lick stocks, place in front lapel]

DS: Present phones!
 
S: [Present phone in left hand, poise other arm to dial.]

DS: Dial phones!
 
S: [Dial 3 touches - put phone to left ear]

DS: We won the war, soldiers, just like we always do! Report opportunities for post-war profit!

Soldier 1: Continuing to delay elections in Iraq while provisional government working out ways to protect foreign investors, sir!  

Soldier 4: Budget cuts to veteran’s benefits have yielded more funding for corporate welfare, sir!

Soldier 3: Rave reviews for informant-assisted capture of Saddam -- financial assistance may be forthcoming, sir!

DS: C’mon, soldiers, Democrats could do that!   Report more opportunities!

Soldier 1: Privatization of state-owned industries by foreign investors nearly complete, sir! 

Soldier 2: Ban on unions from 1987 strictly enforced by US-led provisional government, sir! 

Soldier 3: U.S. companies receiving multi-billion-dollar “reconstruction” contracts funded by our generous taxpayers, sir!
 
DS: Outstanding. But what do we want, Soldiers?
 
Soldier 2: More, sir!

DS: I can't hear you!
 
S: MORE, SIR!

DS: Excellent. Disengage. [soldiers put phones away]  And why do we do it, soldiers?

Soldier 3: Freedom for Iraq, sir!

DS: [mean laugh, sarcastically] Who do you think we were fighting for? 

Soldier 1: For the American People, sir?

DS: Grow up, Soldiers!  The shareholders are counting on you.

Soldier 2: The Free Market Economy, Sir!

DS: Cor-rect!  Now, soldiers, you know public opinion is less favorable than our newspapers are all saying.  Prepare to re-use our secret weapon!
 
Soldier 1: Uhh.. [Looks right, confused]
Soldier 2: Hmm.. [Looks down, confused]
Soldier 3: Ahh.. [Looks left, confused]
Soldier 4: Umm.. [Looks up, confused]
 
DS: [Voice rising in anger] You do know what our secret weapon is, don't you, soldiers?

Soldier 1: [half-hearted suggestion] Our lobbyists, sir?
 
Soldier 3: [mumble, mumble] in an un-disclosed location, sir?

Soldier 2: Special color warning codes, sir?

DS:  Can we be more specific, soldiers?!

Soldier 4: Agent orange alert, sir?

DS: Wrong!!!  Why, you lilly-livered, brain-dead grunts call yourselves profiteers? You couldn't wring a buck out of a 10-year-old in a sweatshop! What is the magic word that enables us to make money any way we please, soldiers?

Soldier 3: [uncertainly] Security, sir?

DS: I can't hear you!

S: SECURITY, SIR!  [all salute]
 
DS: Exactly, soldiers. So what did we do when longshoremen on the West Coast were threatening to strike to preserve their jobs?
 
Soldier 3: Called it a threat to national security and sent them back to work, sir!
 
DS: Good! And how did we get the president authority to ram through global trade deals lickety-split?
 
Soldier 2: Said everyone had to back our commander-in-chief - it was necessary for security, sir!

DS: Excellent! And how did our friends in the pharmaceutical industry protect themselves from lawsuits?

Soldier 1: Slipped it into the Homeland Security Bill, sir!

DS: Brilliant! But one last question, soldiers: when some far-left lunatics ask about their own economic security, what do we say?

Soldier 1: God Bless America, sir!

DS: I can't hear you!

S: [pull out flags] God Bless America, Sir!
 
DS: Soldiers, wave those flags and prepare to march! On your left -, left -, left, right left! {Call and response while marching in place]

DS: Sure we're rich but we want more!
S: Sure we're rich but we want more!
DS: Tax the middle class and poor!
S: Tax the middle class and poor!
DS: Profits rise as we take charge!
S: Profits rise as we take charge!
DS: Just put it on your MasterCards!
S: Put it on your MasterCards!
DS: Sound off!
S: Tax breaks!  
DS: Sound off!
S: For us!
S: Tax breaks for us...[3 beats] Not you!   
 
DS: Occupation Profiteers drill team, fall out! On your right -, right -, right right right! (Exit in a line, hopping on right foot)