Isn’t it funny that the more interactions we have, the less we tell each other? I mean the way that when we intentionally meet new people (dating, new friends, etc.), after the prerequisite fluff questions (work, blah-blah-blah), by the 2nd or 3rd conversation, things quickly turn deep, with questions about deep-seated political views, religious beliefs, where we grew up, what our family life was like, what defining moments really made us who we are. Yet, with the people we already know, we’ve long forgotten any such conversations, if indeed we ever had them. Conversations with people already know usually bounce along subjects like the weather and how are you feeling, not unimportant exactly, but in some ways trivial. I sometimes think I’ve told people I’ve just met know more significant things than people I’ve known for decades.
This is not to say that I’m not close with people I’ve known a long time, but there seems to be more of a veil in place, layers of secrecy and omissions (especially with family) that just isn’t there with the new people. I think it has something to do with personal evolution. We’re constantly reinventing ourselves, but with the people we’ve known forever, it’s sometimes easier to pretend to be more similar to the old self than we really are. The people who remember that self so clearly are pushing for that anyways (and may not even acknowledge a difference you choose to reveal). With people we’re getting to know, we can present the new self, with the newly discovered memories of defining moments, refining our viewpoints, our religion and polishing it all with the brush of experience.
Also, there is an allure to strangers, the illicit thrill of revealing too much, a message in a bottle with your heart’s desire clearly spelled out and thrown into the ocean tide for acceptance, or not. Sometimes, it’s easiest to forge a connection when you know someone you just met will be leaving soon (or you will) and you can abandon your cumbersome but necessary inhibitions for a short while, knowing that you can put them right back on, more comfortably, after you’ve had a bit of a break.
On the other hand, there’s something to be said for the accumulated months and years of interactions. There isn’t as much need to tell because the non-verbal communication is much more free-flowing and in a way, it’s easier to say true words and lie to a virtual stranger, than it is to say false words and misrepresent to a close friend. Still, it is strange that, verbally, we divulge so much to the new and omit so much from the old.
