I recently finished watching a TV series (the DVD version, of course) of “TransGeneration” by the Sundance Film Channel. It’s a series about 4 transgender college students who are all at some stage of transsexuality (several on hormones, one completes SRS during the show). I’m not a big fan of “reality” type TV shows, but this was really moving and felt more like a documentary than a manipulated TV show. Coming from the sidelines of the Trans movement, I felt it was very sincere and had a good variety of realistic experiences by the different people on it.
It was surprisingly emotional for me on a number of levels. I could definitely empathize with presenting as an “opposite” gender and the reactions of family and friends to this situation. The struggle for acceptance was particularly touching. In a very personal way, I also understand being raised as a gender that you never felt was a good fit. However, I was also frustrated as my biggest problem with the Trans movement is the struggle to fit into predefined gender roles. They frame the debate like so: I was born in the wrong body; I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body or I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body. Though this is far from normal or accepted, it’s a very limited viewpoint and buys into the societal gender dichotomy completely – that is, one can only be man OR woman and if one doesn’t feel one’s internal mental state matches the assigned body in terms of gender, then the solution is to switch the body.
I’m strongly pro-body-modification and if changing your body is what will make you happiest, go for it, but I don’t feel that Sex Reassigment Surgery is necessarily the best course of action for most transgender folk. I believe we have a wide variety of genders (in nature and in human society) and although most people loosely fit into the predominant “man” or “woman” paradigm, others don’t fit that at all and that should be OK. Instead, we have a society that only ever recognizes “man” and “woman” (with very strict stereotypes for each) and Trans people react accordingly by fitting into this the best way they can. Unfortunately, when Trans people opt to “change” physical sex and call their gender identity a “birth defect” or “medical disorder”, they are emphatically reinforcing the existing gender dichotomy, instead of pushing out the boundaries.
I know that having the desired body can be a profound psychological desire – I myself tried various kinds of hair removal and dieting to keep my body more feminine/androgynous, so I can empathize with wanting a different body type altogether, but I think there is a danger in that people conflate having a different body with being able to be who they are, when they already are who they are; what they want to change is expression of their identity, which can be done with little or no body modification (instead with clothing and behavior modification). They crave acceptance, but by fitting into a mold (however awkwardly, since mainstream society is not exactly trans-friendly as of yet), they’re really just making it harder for the rest of us (typical Trans folks who haven’t transitioned yet or cannot pass and for more atypical alternative gender or androgyne folks like myself).
I hated my body for a long time and did want to severely change it, but eventually I came to accept and even like it. I later realized that most of my unhappiness came from external sources who would or could not accept me as I was. I had to give up on acceptance from most of those sources and find new sources of acceptance, starting with myself. I think Trans people should accept themselves first, as is. After that, if they still wish to make changes, they should work towards them, but keeping in mind that though the physical changes might bring some legal benefits, they won’t really bring the societal or personal acceptance that is so desperately sought. It nearly made me cry at the end of the series when TJ decided to return to Cypress as “Tamar”, clearly out of obligation to his mother who refused to accept “TJ” as who he is (and may never have accepted him as a fully transitioned man), even though it didn’t really surprise me either.
