When I was younger, I used to think that hypocrisy was one of the worst things that humans do. To advocate certain behaviors for others and act contrary to one’s words just seemed so wrong. But later, I learned an important lesson about it. At one point, I had a very bad roommate situation as we were completely incompatible (though we had been close friends before living together). I learned some things though and ended up reevaluating my feelings on hypocrisy. This is because she often referred to me as a hypocrite for situations that seemed perfectly logical to me. I don’t remember all the circumstances, but I do remember one.
She was a night owl and often stayed up until 2 or 3 am on weekdays, while I was generally in bed by midnight. Since she was up, she liked to do things, including laundry, but the laundry machine was near my bedroom and the dryer was very loud (especially with clothing that had metal in it) and kept me awake (I’m a light sleeper), so I asked her not to begin laundry after 11 (so that it would be done or close to done by midnight). She was rather unhappy at this request and I needed to reiterate it on a number of occasions, but she did grudgingly comply. However, one day, I was running out of clean clothes and desperately needed to do laundry and I began it at 11:15 and suddenly I was a hypocrite. Now, her bedroom was on the other side of the apartment and as I said, she stayed up until 2 or 3 am most days and she’s a heavy sleeper and she never asked me not to do laundry at night. So it seemed perfectly clear to me that the situations were different – my request of her was one of consideration for me, but because I did something that I asked her not to do, I was a hypocrite. Even after I asked her if it bothered her if I did laundry and she said no, except that I’m a hypocrite.
And thus I came to reconsider hypocrisy. If one person asks or tells someone else not to do something and does it oneself, is one really a hypocrite? If a parent tells a child that s/he must go to bed at 9pm and the parent stays up until midnight, is the parent a hypocrite? If a parent tells a teenager not to drink alcohol, but likes to have the occasional cocktail, are they a hypocrite? Maybe different rules apply for different people depending on their situations?
Even if you consider something fairly universal, like murder, does talking against it and doing it, really make it any worse? Say someone speaks out about the awfulness of murder, but sneaks around and commits a few. As opposed to someone who doesn’t speak out about murder, maybe even condones it and also commits a few. Is there really a significant difference? Can you honestly say that the “hypocrite” is clearly worse? What if the “hypocrite” actually convinces someone else not to commit murder, isn’t that a good thing, regardless of the hypocrite’s own actions?
I think the actions matter a lot (and for the record, murder is bad, bad, bad, whether or not the person talks a good talk) and words matter too, but although the conflict between them may be disingenuous and annoying, but is not some kind of giant sin. And in cases of minor hypocrisy (no universal-type badness committed), then they may not really be as straightforward as you might think. Your situation may be different for reasons you can’t yet understand (as with the child and the parent). And don’t you dare write any blog posts about how hypocrisy isn’t bad – it’s terrible! 😉
