I just finished reading Neil Strauss’s “The Game,” which is a non-fiction account of his rise and fall as a MPUA [master pick-up artist]. It’s very interesting in-and-of itself (not quite what you’d expect), but what I found most interesting was comparing myself to the pickup artist mentality. Before reading this, I would have said that I have nothing at all in common with any pickup artist, but now I know that I have some behaviors that are standard pickup strategies, just not the same intentions.
I’m not the kind of person who easily approaches women or tries to seduce them, however, I do have several features that the pick-up artists aspire to. 1. peacockery (dressing flamboyantly is a good way to get noticed, contrary to what many men think) and 2. what they call “negs” (which are mildly negative or non-complimentary comments made to the object of interest to make her think that you’re not interested, such as “Those are nice nails, are they real?” [example from the book]). Those two alone have gained me some success in getting positive attention from women. Only I’m not trying to seduce, just being myself and not buying into the usual game where men fawn all over beautiful women, showering them with compliments (even when they have boyfriends). Why should I bother?
On the other hand, there are some marked differences between myself and the pick-up artists: I don’t have any lines, nor the kind of confidence needed to strike up conversations with random strangers (I’m terrible at small talk and even hellos can be a challenge), but I do have the kind of deeper self-confidence (in myself, rather than in my “routine”) that keeps most people who get to know me interested. Somewhat surprisingly (not so much when you really think about it, but different from my first thoughts anyhow), the book reveals the pick-up artists as deeply insecure. Although they gain confidence in their abilities to seduce, they start training in seduction tactics because of deep initial insecurities, which then get painted over with a kind of validation by women’s attention which then becomes its own kind of neediness.
Wow. So, although it’s pretty amazing the tricks they master and ability to quickly engage strangers (I must admit, I am a bit envious – they seem to be able to get any group of men and women to like them), I realized that I’m actually a lot better off than they are. I don’t have to be fake and I actually like myself (and I didn’t need to go to pickup school to figure out basic grooming and style), but then again, I never really qualified as an “AFC” [average frustrated chump] anyhow. I do think it’s a good reminder though that I could actually conquer my shyness around strangers and I think I’d like to work on that (if I can just get around the boring typical conversations about work, how do you know so-and-so and where do you live – maybe I do need to invent some of my own lines).
