Category: gender outlawery

View posts about gender transgressions and feminism.

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the F-word: bitches got a bad rap

Feminism (the “F-word”) has nothing to do with man-hating. Forget the rumors and hype, feminism is simply about equal rights and opportunities for women. Sound crazy? Do you think it’s fair that a woman would get paid less for doing the same job that a man would do or that her entire value as a human being might be judged solely on her appearance? If no, then, like it or not, you’ve got a little feminism. Own it, ya F-eminist.

Gender stereotyping has gotten way out of hand, even in light of progress made towards women’s rights (or perhaps it’s the same, but only seems so egregious because it’s now more obviously ill-founded). Very few people are stupid enough to think that no woman anywhere is physically strong or that no man anywhere is emotionally expressive. Yet almost everyone makes sweeping generalizations about men and women as if their statements are absolute: all women like gossip and shopping while all men like sports and cars. It’s just not true, some do, some don’t. Get over it, already.

Who cares if men and women are generally different in some ways (i.e., you believe a stereotype is “mostly true”), these aren’t absolutes and they cannot be applied universally. If a woman is a good mathematician or if a man is a good caregiver, just respect it. Let the actions determine the value, not the gender. Move on.

Some might call a tough, no-nonsense woman a “bitch” and if so, I’ll consider it a worthy aspiration. Continue reading “the F-word: bitches got a bad rap”

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abortion law is about women’s rights

It really doesn’t matter if you’re personally pro- or anti-abortion (or entirely neutral); if you believe women are valuable individuals and deserve equal rights, then you need to support the legality of abortion. When abortion is illegal, it makes women into second-class citizens, walking wombs. Men simply don’t have the physical responsibility of a pregnancy (especially if they flee). And before someone jumps on me with the “it’s biology” argument, just ask yourself how “biological” it is for people to use computers, eat chemically-flavored foods or, better yet, for women to shave their legs and wear makeup. Humans are not limited to their animal attributes and where we can make our lives better than biology (i.e., eyeglasses / contact lenses, artificial limbs, birth control), we should provide the option to people who want it.

Speaking of “wanting it,” is there really some secret advantage to forcing people to have unwanted children – I mean, are the children really better off when the parent(s) can’t really afford to support them (either emotionally or financially)? I’m not necessarily pro-abortion (I think all life is valuable, even germinating seeds), but I don’t think pressuring people into unwanted parentage is good for society at large. No, if you’re personally opposed to abortion, then you should be pushing for better education and access to earlier forms of birth control (personally, I long for a society where everyone is infertile by default and only those who decide to have kids can impregnate or get pregnant, after having their fertility instated).

On a side note, something like 20-30% (that’s one in four or five) pregnancies end in miscarriage. I have no idea why people don’t talk about this, but I feel it’s fairly central to the abortion legality argument – if your body can decide to abort the fetus on it’s own, why can’t your mind? Here’s one article on the miscarriage rate (from 1988, no less): NY Times: Study Finds 31% Rate of Miscarriage

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musings on the po-lice

In the sense of “peacekeeper” (i.e., protecting people from violence), I have the utmost respect for the police – I think it’s a tough and very necessary role to play. In terms of monitoring traffic, I also approve as it appeals to my sense of order and I think most traffic laws are quite sensible (I won’t oppose the eventual GPS/robot monitoring and fining of vehicular misbehavior). In those senses, I’m willing to yield to and support their authority. [Incidentally, by “police,” I mean to refer to all branches of law enforcement, from local sheriffs to the FedBurInv (but, not, obviously, the law-averse CentIntAg)]

However, in the sense of enforcing hundreds of thousands of laws, many of them outdated or nonsensical, I think it’s a ridiculous endeavor (see my posts law is not your friend and expiry for laws), both in terms of being impractical and in terms of being unreasonable. How can anyone blindly support and enforce the myriad of moral edicts issued by flawed humans in power? I can only imagine that policepersons engage in a very powerful form of disengagement, or game of pretend (imaging that these laws come from an almighty god). Of course, I know that some of the more outlandish laws simply don’t get enforced, but still – even consenting to enforce “all law” seems pretty outlandish to me.

All of that presupposes an ideal police institution, free of corruption and politics and prejudice, which if you add into the mix, you end up with a much more problematic situation. Now you have the police enforcing disenfranchisement of the poor, people of color, immigrants and sex workers. You have police enforcing political games, like the wildly inconsistent so-called “War on drugs” and perpetrating violence on peaceful demonstrations (WTO protests, etc.). You have police kidnapping nonviolent people, tearing them away from their families and all they know and imprisoning them in a highly prejudicial institution, perhaps to await a cursory trial by “peers” (usually from a completely different social caste) or perhaps to be kicked out of the country. The prison industrial complex does not address any of the social issues intertwined with most “criminal” activities, but it does create an oppressive environment that exacerbates inequalities and poisonous social norms (such as machismo).

A great article addressing some of these issues is: On Prisons, Borders, Safety, and Privilege: An Open Letter to White Feminists (somewhat tangential, but well worth reading).

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MA: it’s not as liberal as you think

Early last winter, my dad asked me to do him a favor – his best friend’s son had just moved to the Boston area and he wondered if I could give him a call and maybe show him around (he didn’t know anyone in the area). I groaned internally because I’m a bit of an oddball and my dad is pretty straight-and-narrow, so I’m not expecting to really mesh with his friend’s son, but I agree to it and a month or so later, my dad provides the phone number. A lot was going on so I didn’t call immediately, but I finally phoned him up in early March. He (let’s call him Ryan) seemed pretty surprised that I was calling (didn’t know who I was at first), but he did eventually recall my dad telling him (back in the fall) that he’d have me give him a call. The conversation was fairly brief and a little awkward, but generally amicable and we agreed to meet for coffee the following week.

We spoke again the night before we were to meet to figure out how to recognize each other. I told him I was tall, thin, pale with longish red hair. He said he was short with black hair. When I arrived, there were a few people who met his general description, but none came up to me. I noticed one fellow who was having an animated conversation by phone just outside the coffeehouse, but he didn’t seem to notice me (and generally, I’m hard to miss), so I didn’t think it was him. But he was the only one fitting the description who remained in my vicinity for the duration, so when I finally gave Ryan a call, I wasn’t surprised when the guy on the phone answered. He looked pretty normal for the area, not too conservative, but not unusual in any way (about what I’d expect from my dad’s friend’s son). He was friendly enough with me, despite my blue vintage shirt with butterflies on it & “unusual” look. We grabbed some coffee and found a table to sit at. Continue reading “MA: it’s not as liberal as you think”

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crossdresser clarification

Setting aside for the moment that I don’t really like the term “crossdresser,” I’d like to set something straight about crossdressing. It’s about gender expression, people – gender identity. It is not about sexual orientation or sexuality. I know in most people’s minds, they have very fixed concepts that all relationships are butch-femme (opposites attract and all that), but that’s just a myth. Even if it’s true in many cases, it is certainly not in all. Just like men might like other men or women, the same goes for crossdressers.

I’ve had roughly equal numbers of people say to me that most/all crossdressers are gay and that most/all crossdressers are straight, but I think the majority of mainstream somehow equates crossdressing with homosexuality – this is because both are digressions from the heteronormative standards (and in line with the deeper misogyny and power structures of our culture). I can assure you, though, that not all crossdressers are gay (some are, some aren’t), so just check your presumptions at the door.

p.s. I am talking about male-born crossdressers here. Although I am a big fan of drag kings, women wearing pants and little/no makeup hardly registers in the modern U.S. of A. (thanks to the hard work of 20th century feminists), but get a male-born person in a skirt and makeup and you’re guaranteed to ruffle some feathers.

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feminism & fat: philia vs phobia

I’m wading my svelte self into some very murky waters here, but I’ve never been one to shy away from controversy so here goes. The subject of weight, especially the “ideal” weight for women (seemingly to be mandated by everyone and anyone) is fraught with controversy. On the one hand, you have a very fat-phobic “beauty culture,” especially in terms of fashion magazines (anorexic models might be a stereotype, but sadly, they’re also reality) and celebrity worship, which condemn even the slightest hint of a non-taut tummy and even middle-ground healthy weights are frowned upon. Although pieces of this beauty culture are starting to target the male demographic, for the vast majority, the target, or rather, the object, is women. This leads to an understandable amount of tension among women, who feel pressured to meet these extreme ideals.

On the other hand, you have the broader “consumer culture” (of which the beauty culture is but a two-faced member) demanding that we consume as much as possible, mostly in terms of food, entertainment and labor-saving/luxury devices and services. Altogether, these items encourage extreme indulgence/indolence (which has led to a drastic rise in Type 2 Diabetes), both in terms of reduced bodily movement (due to labor-saving devices) and maximization of “empty calories” consumption (i.e. foods with little or no nutritional value which are borderline addictive due to sweeteners and other flavor enhancing additives [MSG, etc.]). Thus we Americans are told to enjoy all these comforts to excess and if the inevitable consequence of this rampant consumerism is a burgeoning waistline, then we should start buying plus-sized clothes and diet pills/books, different kinds of empty calorie foods, plus a gym membership to be used irregularly, but nothing should stop us from buying things.

Thus we have the implicit encouragement to get fat slamming us from ad spaces everywhere and the converse encouragement [for women] to get skinny [& to a lesser extent for men to get to a muscular medium size] hitting us from a subset of the same ad spaces.

What I get frustrated about with feminism at times is that it seems to clearly see the beauty culture aspect, but mostly disregards the underlying consumer culture aspect. That is, it contains an understandable backlash against the “women must be thin and beautiful” imperative of the beauty culture, but it can also end up supporting the consumer culture imperative with messages like “fat is beautiful” (an equivalent, if oppositional, generalization to “skinny is beautiful”). I would argue that feminism should subtract “beauty” altogether from the equation. On multiple exchanges, I’ve witnessed snipes exchanged between otherwise reasonable women when one is on the larger side and the other is on the skinny side (snipes originating from either side) and it disturbs me that people can be so shallow and mean. However, there is an elephant in the room, which is that, notions of beauty aside, in some ways, obesity has more negative health consequences than being moderate or skinny sized (although being skinny and indolent can have negative health consequences also). Lean and active human beings tend to live longest, although to be fair, active larger-sized folks also tend to have good health and longevity. 

[Some portions of original post were cut in 2020 as, in retrospect, they seemed a bit fatphobic, which does not match with my current thinking/undsteranding. Italicized portions are added/updated. ]

p.s. This should go without saying, but the hot focus of the magnifying glass should absolutely not single out women (i.e., men and women and others should all get regular exercise, eat nutritional diets and aim for fit and healthy – this should be compassionately encouraged by medical professionals, friends and families, not caustically demanded by the advertisement/entertainment industry [for women only] as it is now).

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staking the pretentious heart of chivalry

Women are but flowers, requiring tender care and kindest words. They are a separate species, without which we men might perish, but for which we must be strong and deferential, the proverbial knight in shining armour. This belief system is chivalry and it is the most dangerous type of sexism because the behavior pretends to be benign.

Where do you think this behavior comes from? From the belief that women are physically and emotionally inferior and require extra attention and protection. That they are incapable of fending for themselves (and incidentally that other men are deserving of little or no consideration). I’ve got no contention with basic politeness, but when it singles out a single gender as more deserving, then it’s plain discrimination. Worse, because it sets up gender role expectations that have ripples throughout our society.

For example, if men are the breadwinners, the ones who pay for everything on the dates, then why is it surprising that a woman will get paid less for doing the same job as a man? Why is it surprising that though women make up a little more than half of the population and have had the right to vote for nearly 100 years, that far less than half of politicians are women and that we’ve never once had a female president? Why do you think men get the right to decide on reproductive rights for women?

I say, Fuck Chivalry. I’d stake its still beating heart to the earth if I could, set it afire and spit in the ashes afterwards. It’s a vampire carrying undeath to the idea that men and women are so vastly different and inequal that they merit completely different behavior (at least from men, what women do amongst themselves is of no import). That’s right, I say women can open their own doors, pay for their own dinner and buy their own flowers (while earning an equal wage and the same opportunities and respect as men). Nothing wrong with some equal exchange or common courtesy within heterosexual dating, but basing it on a gender expectation is absurd.

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coming out as androgyne

How does one “come out” as something that doesn’t exist in most people’s eyes? As something that is a vague “in between” state? Everyone knows that there are men and there are women. That’s it – end of story. I could tell everyone that I’m transsexual, a woman born in a man’s body and that would make them very uncomfortable, but at least they could sort of understand that eventually. It would at least be easier than challenging the very idea of a gender dichotomy, no easy pronoun and surgical/hormonal fix for my “problem.” There is no third option, there’s only yin and yang, day and night. I’m invisible here in the penumbra.

This is something I’ve long struggled with. I found it’s just easier to go stealth, wear vaguely men’s clothes and most people will just read me as male (despite the girlish haircut and plucked eyebrows), which may be annoying at times to me (besaddled with male pronouns and expectations), but everyone else is happier. It’s so much easier just to hide inside that little turtle shell. Though it hurts a little sometimes.

I want to be more myself. Oh, I know, it’s what’s inside that counts and “you’re always yourself,” but that’s not really true, is it? People aren’t always so good at seeing what’s inside others and we all play pretend out in public to some extent. We have to. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the gender stereotypes weren’t so steely strong, if people weren’t constantly saying “men are…” always hitting me like a punch to the gut – hey, that’s not me! But occasionally, it is me and in my weaker moments, I wonder, am I just defective? I pay attention to the real people I encounter, though, and they don’t match up with the gender archetypes in movies, magazines and books. My human brethren are not as mismatched as me perhaps, but neither are they perfect examples of those prestigious stereotypes (“men and women,” in case you’re drifting). Continue reading “coming out as androgyne”

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TransGeneration

I recently finished watching a TV series (the DVD version, of course) of “TransGeneration” by the Sundance Film Channel. It’s a series about 4 transgender college students who are all at some stage of transsexuality (several on hormones, one completes SRS during the show). I’m not a big fan of “reality” type TV shows, but this was really moving and felt more like a documentary than a manipulated TV show. Coming from the sidelines of the Trans movement, I felt it was very sincere and had a good variety of realistic experiences by the different people on it.

It was surprisingly emotional for me on a number of levels. I could definitely empathize with presenting as an “opposite” gender and the reactions of family and friends to this situation. The struggle for acceptance was particularly touching. In a very personal way, I also understand being raised as a gender that you never felt was a good fit. However, I was also frustrated as my biggest problem with the Trans movement is the struggle to fit into predefined gender roles. They frame the debate like so: I was born in the wrong body; I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body or I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body. Though this is far from normal or accepted, it’s a very limited viewpoint and buys into the societal gender dichotomy completely – that is, one can only be man OR woman and if one doesn’t feel one’s internal mental state matches the assigned body in terms of gender, then the solution is to switch the body. Continue reading “TransGeneration”

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wedding bells – personal hells

Weddings freak me out, on a number of levels. In a society that’s become increasingly permissive for gender expression, they’re a throwback to the strictly enforced gender roles. The men with long hair must cut or contain it and wear suits and the punk women must wear something “feminine” – a dress or nice blouse and skirt. Then there is the sexism inherent in the term “man and wife” (instead of “husband and wife”) and of course the occasional sexist remark (men are like children) during toasts which everyone laughs at because we all believe in those gender stereotypes.

I’ve managed to build myself a little alterna-world where a little androgyne like me doesn’t often get placed in these uncomfortable situations. Of course, there’s always the “which bathroom to use” question when I’m out and the bathrooms are gender-specific, but otherwise, I’ve built a friend and location-base that doesn’t push me to be a “man”. It’s a bit of a shock to then be confronted with stark tradition where I don’t seem to have a place. As you may have surmised, I recently attended a friend’s wedding and though I was very happy for the couple (they both wept during the ceremony – it was sweet), it brought up a myriad of issues for me. Continue reading “wedding bells – personal hells”