Off and on, I’ve been reading Kate Bornstein’s new book “Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks & Other Outlaws”, not because I’m the least bit suicidal but because I’m curious. Kate Bornstein is a pretty amazing person who has been through a gamut of strange and wonderful experiences and is truly a person I admire. Kate is a true “gender outlaw” (hir label), male-born and didn’t like being a boy/man and went through a sex change to find out being a woman wasn’t much more fun (so much effort either way) and then decided to just be hirself (a “neither/nor”) and eventually came to write and perform to educate and entertain about hir gender/sexual liberation. You can learn a little more about Kate here.
Also (no, this isn’t all accolades for Kate), I read a review of the book and it sounded interesting because Kate prescribes some very non-traditional alternatives that include taking a vow of silence for a day, throwing away some morals and some self-destructive things (with the idea that whatever gets you through is better than dying). Like many people, my adolescent years weren’t all fun and I battled with depression and occasional thoughts of suicide myself, so although I’m past it now, I can empathize. Kate hirself is a suicide-survivor, so s/he speaks from experience.
When I first got the book, I was a little surprised because there’s a lot of exposition in the beginning (an acknowledgements, forward, introduction, 3 general chapters, then a quickstart guide [another introduction] and then the 101 alternatives). I was expecting a fairly quick read, but it’s quite dense and I only end up reading a few pages at a time.
While the alternatives themselves are interesting, what is striking is the heart of the book (emphasized in several varieties of introductory text), which is “Don’t be mean”. Do whatever it takes, whatever you like, but just don’t be mean.
This is a simple, but fairly brilliant philosophy for life. I’ve had similar thoughts myself for many years now, but never was able to frame it so well. I always thought ‘Your body is your own and you should be able to do what you want with it (exercise, don’t exercise, legal drugs, illegal drugs, no drugs, healthy food, unhealthy food, love it, destroy it, whatever), but you should NOT be allowed to do what you want to other persons (especially violence).’ Of course, I don’t think self-destructive behavior should be encouraged, but we should be focusing on the really important stuff which is destructive-to-others behavior – not only violence and war-mongering, but also discrimination based on superficial traits, dehumanization and denial of equal access to human necessities (food, water, housing/heat, clothing, love).
We’re put down by several different methodologies that are very hard to resist: one is the rampant consumerism of the modern corporate landscape (you are what you own and what you own is never good enough – buy, buy, buy – fleeting ownership = self-esteem) and the other is the status quo argument (things have always been done this way, it’s “tradition” to disenfranchise the [fill-in-the-blank]s). It’s hard to sidestep these, but if you don’t be mean and others don’t be mean and enough of us don’t be mean (and speak out against meanness), then it will make a difference. It already has been making a difference. Peace.
