Not too long ago, a friend of mine reluctantly let me know that her teenaged daughter had attempted suicide. She completely could not understand it because, as she said, she’s basically a happy person. I smiled ruefully and told her I could completely understand, especially for a teen. We had a lunch meeting to talk about it, so I could explain how depression works (and to get more information so as to better understand & offer perspective).
I assume that everyone has their own variation of the big D, but some of the key points I could offer:
- Children’s brains aren’t fully developed (some say until about age 25) and they often have weirder, more extreme and less rational reactions to things than adults do.
- Teenagers are flooded with hormones which make them even more emotional, awkward, sensitive and unpredictable than younger (or older) children.
- Anyone who is unusually sensitive, unusually intelligent or otherwise unusual will be more susceptible to feelings of alienation, isolation and self-critique, which can lead to despair.
- Anyone who gains knowledge about pervasive injustice (e.g., animal agriculture) is likely to feel sad and helpless, unless that person can feel like they are able to “do good” in some way (e.g., going vegan, or volunteering for non-profit).
- Boredom is the gateway drug.
- Physical health is a prerequisite for emotional well-being; some severe deficiencies can “make” someone moody/unhappy/depressed.
I struggled with severe depression for more than a decade and milder forms of depression erratically before and after. Even my pre-teen memories are threaded with painful longing and, moreover, with apprehension for that which all religions exist to counteract, the fragility and finiteness of the human lifespan. I prefer to leave my teen memories deeply buried, except of course when trying to give a struggling mother some perspective and hope. That past is not me now, but it certainly informs me. After learning about her daughter, I found myself watching “A Long Way Down” and then re-reading the book of the same name, which is one of my favorites about 4 disparate people who meet on a rooftop, intending to commit suicide. It’s humorous and sad, somewhat uplifting but without pretense or empty cheer, which is often haphazardly (& futilely) shoved at those who suffer so. I lent the book to my friend for her & her daughter, along with some of my time-tested tricks for disrupting depression:
- Nutrition (eat a balanced, healthy diet, supplement if needed and get blood tests if anything seems off).
Side-note: I now believe at least part of my worst depression was due to a severe Vitamin D deficiency (later found in blood testing). - Exercise (especially cardiovascular, this is imperative for maintaining physical well-being; the absence of which can cause extreme emotional sensitivity).
- Sleep (ditto as for exercise)
- Entertaining distractions (one or more hobbies which can kill time and entertain the mind; this can also include short-term entertainments like novels, TV shows or movies); this is probably the best short-term method; the other items are lifestyle changes which require more significant changes.
- Meaningful work (making art/music, volunteering or other “work” which makes the person feel like they’re contributing to the world, and in turn can enable a sense of self-worth)
- Meaningful relationships (connecting socially with like-minded folks via internet, events, family or other community).
Also, if at all possible, avoid winters like 2015 in Boston. Kidding, kind of – it was brutal.
A completely different & compelling (highly recommended) perspective on depression is these cartoon / blog posts by Allison Brosh:
Adventures in Depression ||| Depression Part 2
Death is coming for us all; we’ve just got to make this life thing work somehow.
