Where does asexuality fit within the queer spectrum? Nowhere? Everywhere? Although not myself asexual, I find this an interesting question because I’m also an outlier, albeit in a different way.
First, some definitions:
Asexuality is defined by a non-temporary lack of sexual attraction (e. g., someone who rarely, if ever, experiences sexual attraction or desire).
Ace is a shortened version of “asexual” and commonly used for self-identification among those who are asexual, similar to terms like, “gay” or “straight.”
For an ace perspective / definition (and a really good doorknob analogy), check out Echo Gillette’s YouTube video: Coming out as asexual.
“Queer” was a term originally used by mainstream people to circumspectly or pejoratively refer to those they considered homosexuals; later, queerness was reclaimed by gay. lesbian, bisexual and trans activists (becoming known as the LGBT community).
Considering the original definition of queerness as a sexual aberration, it seems clear that asexuality fits in. Homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality are all non-normative, and all define one’s sexual behavior and attraction; in the latter case: little-to-none.
That’s like the letter of the law (of original queerness), but I think the spirit of the law is more about gender non-conformity.
In olden times (e.g., the 20th century), those who strayed from the socially defined (binary) gender roles were lumped in (by mainstream) with homosexuals, regardless of who they were attracted to sexually. Feminine-acting or -looking men were considered gay and gayness itself (attraction to men) was also considered womanly; likewise for masculine women: lesbianism. [Note: I’m setting aside misogyny here for brevity, but that also factored into this gender policing.]
For the sake of argument (despite my discomfort with these labels), let’s say that at the end of the 20th century, I was a cross-dressing male heterosexual (sidenote: there are a lot of us who could be lumped into this nebulous bucket); countless times I was asked, confronted or mocked for being homosexual, which nearly everyone assumed I was. I guess that may be why I feel a little insecure in claiming queerness – because I could claim to be “straight” and deny wanting to be a “woman” with some degree of sincerity.
Moreover, the anti-queer discrimination was (and to a slightly lesser extent still is) spread across various gender non-conforming types (even if somewhat unevenly); an apparent man holding hands or kissing another man or wearing “women’s” apparel/makeup could be insulted, attacked or discriminated against; likewise for women in regards to “men’s” behavior/clothing. The only ones who escaped harassment and discrimination were those who “passed” (as belonging to the gender binary).
I consider the queer rights movement not just a fight to enact social tolerance for the act of homosexuality, but also for non-normative gendered behavior (which is anyway inextricable from the homosexual experience).
So, in this sense, I don’t see asexuality fitting under this banner, or at least not necessarily so. Aces are wild – they might be gender non-conforming or they may be completely cis-gendered. They may be homo- or bi-romantic* or they could be completely a-romantic*. If they’re ace AND homo/bi-romantic* or gender non-conforming in some way, then they’re directly impacted by the hetero-gender binary discrimination that the rest of the queer community suffers under. If they’re ace and cis-gendered (and hetero-romantic), then they’re not really affected.
* It’s possible that an asexual can also be (to a minor degree) homosexual or bisexual, but to keep the above paragraph from getting confusing, I omitted these categories.
I can understand that (cis-gender) asexuals suffer from some forms of discrimination, but those are relatively mild compared to LGBT folks, who can be evicted, fired or refused medical treatment based on their gender/sexual-identity (in most states as of 2019). Those are very serious and potentially life-threatening forms of discrimination. Asexuals or aces may be be questioned/hassled for being unpartnered or disinterested in sex/romance, which is not awesome, but relatively mild and not much different than what all single people suffer in our romance-privileged society.
All that said, I welcome anyone who wants to be part of the queer community, no matter how cis-gendered or hetero-romantic (or a-romantic) they may be. Any/all allies welcome, along with all the passing and not-so-passing gender variants.
