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MA: it’s not as liberal as you think

Early last winter, my dad asked me to do him a favor – his best friend’s son had just moved to the Boston area and he wondered if I could give him a call and maybe show him around (he didn’t know anyone in the area). I groaned internally because I’m a bit of an oddball and my dad is pretty straight-and-narrow, so I’m not expecting to really mesh with his friend’s son, but I agree to it and a month or so later, my dad provides the phone number. A lot was going on so I didn’t call immediately, but I finally phoned him up in early March. He (let’s call him Ryan) seemed pretty surprised that I was calling (didn’t know who I was at first), but he did eventually recall my dad telling him (back in the fall) that he’d have me give him a call. The conversation was fairly brief and a little awkward, but generally amicable and we agreed to meet for coffee the following week.

We spoke again the night before we were to meet to figure out how to recognize each other. I told him I was tall, thin, pale with longish red hair. He said he was short with black hair. When I arrived, there were a few people who met his general description, but none came up to me. I noticed one fellow who was having an animated conversation by phone just outside the coffeehouse, but he didn’t seem to notice me (and generally, I’m hard to miss), so I didn’t think it was him. But he was the only one fitting the description who remained in my vicinity for the duration, so when I finally gave Ryan a call, I wasn’t surprised when the guy on the phone answered. He looked pretty normal for the area, not too conservative, but not unusual in any way (about what I’d expect from my dad’s friend’s son). He was friendly enough with me, despite my blue vintage shirt with butterflies on it & “unusual” look. We grabbed some coffee and found a table to sit at. Continue reading “MA: it’s not as liberal as you think”

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pregan relics: should they stay or go?

A few weeks ago, I went out to a fancy vegan dinner party, where a friend and I were seated with a group of vegans we didn’t know. At one point, the conversation turned to discussing various “pregan” items (i.e., those non-vegan items that predated one’s conversion to veganism, such as old leather dress shoes). It got me wondering about the ethics of keeping such things around. On the one hand, they were purchased before going vegan & it would be wasteful to simply throw them out. On the other hand, it’s promoting a lifestyle that you are ethically opposed to (wearing leather is in effect promoting its usage, even if you’re not actively paying for it [to directly support production]).

Perhaps an unusual aspect of my personal vegan philosophy is that in addition to boycotting non-vegan items (as in “do no harm”), I also think it’s important to spend money on vegan goods (especially vegan-marketed goods, but any cruelty-free goods will do) as together they more effectively encourage change (since companies are primarily concerned about making money & taking money away from one product and giving to a competing product that is more ethical is the best way to grab their attention).

After thinking it was a bit silly that these people would keep around old leather items, it dawned on me that I myself have one “pregan” item remaining in my closet (despite getting rid of all leather shoes within the first few years of becoming vegan) – a wool cloak. This has some sentimental value as my mom and I made it together and I spent a lot of my early college years gallivanting around in it. At some point, I’ll no doubt retire it, but for the meantime, it’s hanging around.

All in all, I think it’s pretty reasonable to make a gradual transition out of non-vegan materials, but, barring extreme sentimental value, it should be done within the first few years. The Edict according to luQueue. 😉

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spiritual dilemmas

Contradictions used to bother me, but I’ve always lived (and thrived) within them, so over time I came to accept them as a part of life. I’m not especially spiritual (eschewing concepts of soul, afterlife and religion), but at the same time I feel connected to more than just the visual world. At times, I flitter about the edges of enlightenment, or I flatter myself that I do.

One of the concepts I believe in, while also choosing to disbelieve, is that all is one. Everything is connected and everything is God. Yet some Eastern religions (especially Hinduism, Buddhism and other relatives) take this concept as a goal – enlightenment means becoming one with everything. That strikes me as somewhat nihilistic: becoming everything in a grand sense would require eradicating the self. And I think being individuals is what keeps the game of life so interesting. So I avoid getting too connected as I do like my idiosyncrasies.

Another problematic concept for me is destiny. From a scientific standpoint, it’s hard for me to imagine that everything is not predetermined (from the speed of the wind, the moment of birth, the location, the genetics, the parents, people, plants, things encountered and the order in which things occur – every circumstance together will determine every thought and choice). However, I am enamored with the concept of free will – it’s so lovely to imagine that I am choosing which words to use, the clothes I wear and I wrap myself in this fantasy for better living. Continue reading “spiritual dilemmas”

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aging

I’m not sure I understand our cultural obsession with youth. Sure, there are some advantages to being young, but I think it’s a pretty even tradeoff getting to be a bit older, losing a bit of firmness while gaining experience, wisdom and confidence. About 9 months back, I met a girl who was on the verge of turning 30 and freaking out about it. She was drinking and partying every night like it would be her last; it got me a bit worried (I was 29 at the time), but when it came my time, I didn’t freak out. It was, more or less, just another day, but it did get me thinking a bit. There were times when I never thought I’d live to 30; it seemed so ancient, but I still feel young.

I guess I am lucky in a sense because I always hated being a kid; adults would always condescend to me and I never had much in the way of self-determination (which frustrated me to no end). Turning 18 and being able to make all my own decisions (except alcohol, of course) was a big relief, but I didn’t have enough experience or confidence to really handle things yet. Every year since then has gotten better and better. Even though I know my body is breaking down – a few more wrinkles, a lot more gray hair. I just appreciate so much more of life and I make much better and more informed decisions.

Although my lifestyle isn’t always as health-oriented as I’d like it to be, compared to the average American, I’m pretty darn healthy. Staying out of the sun and not smoking should keep my skin in good shape (people already sometimes think I’m younger than my little sister, who only looks her age [25]); I’ve been coloring my hair since I was 17, so the grays don’t matter much; I eat pretty well (lots of veggies, not too much processed foods) and I like my exercise. So age alone isn’t going to rampage my body the way it does for some people.

Aside from the aging itself (losing youthful appearance/energy can be tough), the other thing is of course the big D, that no one likes to talk about. I’m not particularly looking forward to dying; however, I strongly feel that death is precisely what makes life worth living. And it is a part of life, so to some extent, we must accept it. And know that it could happen any time (not just when we hit some high number of years). So I try to work with what I’ve got, managing the aches and pains and loving the joys.

Besides, as I said recently to my friend Uschka (of us fabulous ones aging), what little we lose in natural beauty, we more than make up for in makeup and costuming skills (and budgets/wardrobes). 😉

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It’s all a pose.

This is a years-old observation of mine, but something made it percolate to the surface this week. One interesting phenomenon in any counterculture “scene” is the widespread disparagement of “poseurs” who are supposedly the pretenders only affecting the clothes and mannerisms and not “real” whatever (punk, mod, goth, hipster, etc.). But the truth is, all the people crying poseur are themselves poseurs. We all are. It’s what “scenes” are all about, affecting a particular image. Sure there’s natural inclinations, likes and dislikes, but it’s not really that “natural” to magically fit in with any group based on aesthetics – it takes some work (consciously or unconsciously).

Even aside from scenes, we’re really all making statements by what we wear and how we choose to act – this is the presentation to the world at large, whether we want to be conservative, trendy, artistic, wallflower, outrageous, professional, casual, etc. Everyone who has choice with wardrobe (even if they decide not to care) is making presentation decisions. Of course, there are some people without choices and when you’re done with posing in a particular jacket or scarf, be sure to donate it to a local clothing charity, so someone else can use it (for more posing or simply surviving).

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what we’re doing right

With so much going on in the world today, it’s easy to get bogged down in cynicism, but as a friend reminded me recently, there have been a lot of major positive changes in the last hundred years. Women now have the right to vote (in many, if not all, countries – in the USA, women’s suffrage came in 1920). Legal segregation is over in most places and interracial marriage is allowed. Gay marriage is allowed a few places. Cross-dressing is not an illegal, arrestable offense anymore (in the USA). People like RuPaul exist and manage to survive. We even have some non-white governors and women in legislature. India has a law about proportional representation by the sexes (something like at least 30% of legislature must be women). We can keep in touch with more people much easier and cheaper than ever before due to rapid strides in communication technology. We can still connect with other people and even to plants and animals. So, you go, world. 🙂

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snow pushing perspectives

I like me a good snowstorm. Not frequently, but occasionally. Of course weather always affects us when we venture out of our climate controlled rectangles, but there’s something about a whole lot of snow that makes us seriously take notice of it. Especially if you’re a driver. And sure, it’s inconvenient, but it’s also strangely beautiful. More importantly, it drags us back to the reality of nature and that us humans, despite all our technology, entertainments and industry, are still susceptible to the capricious physics of our environment.
Snow tree

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Why do today what you can put off all year?

New Year’s Resolutions – how I love to hate them. In theory, they’re sort of a nice idea: start the new year with some positive changes in your life; but in practice, they’re just another feel-good device with little substance. It’s a way of chunking up time into a neat little bundle, so you can play with it like a rag doll, instead of living inside of it. It’s like when people decide to start a new diet or quit smoking “tomorrow” or “next week” – why put a change like that into a future timeframe if not to allow for its easy and indefinite postponement?

I’m sure some people manage to make a nice list of resolutions and actually keep them all, but I think the vast majority keep few if any of their resolutions. Making new year’s resolutions (with a whole year to enact, or more likely forget) is like being an armchair activist; it enables you to feel like you’re doing good without actually having to do much. A more useful system might be to make a single small “new week” resolution every week and be sure to keep it (start right when you come up with it, if possible), such as ‘smile at one stranger’ or ‘don’t buy something.’

Now is much better than later. Happy 2008.

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crossdresser clarification

Setting aside for the moment that I don’t really like the term “crossdresser,” I’d like to set something straight about crossdressing. It’s about gender expression, people – gender identity. It is not about sexual orientation or sexuality. I know in most people’s minds, they have very fixed concepts that all relationships are butch-femme (opposites attract and all that), but that’s just a myth. Even if it’s true in many cases, it is certainly not in all. Just like men might like other men or women, the same goes for crossdressers.

I’ve had roughly equal numbers of people say to me that most/all crossdressers are gay and that most/all crossdressers are straight, but I think the majority of mainstream somehow equates crossdressing with homosexuality – this is because both are digressions from the heteronormative standards (and in line with the deeper misogyny and power structures of our culture). I can assure you, though, that not all crossdressers are gay (some are, some aren’t), so just check your presumptions at the door.

p.s. I am talking about male-born crossdressers here. Although I am a big fan of drag kings, women wearing pants and little/no makeup hardly registers in the modern U.S. of A. (thanks to the hard work of 20th century feminists), but get a male-born person in a skirt and makeup and you’re guaranteed to ruffle some feathers.

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the immigration issue

That immigration is an important “issue” for the 2008 elections shows how absurd the USA is. With the exception of the very few remaining American Indians, every single person in this country is an immigrant or descendant of immigrants (many of which are only 3rd or 4th generation). We’ve been getting along OK with the current immigration policy and if it needs to change at all, it’s to be less restrictive (though I understand that letting all immigrants in might be impractical at this point), but many people seem to be upset that it’s not restrictive enough. They are ignorant and fearful.

I’ve heard concerns that illegal immigrants taking away jobs from “citizens” (i.e, legal immigrants and their descendants), but if you think that, you’re not paying attention – NAFTA and CAFTA and other “free trade” (or “globalization”) agreements are taking away “our” jobs (and so is our high cost of living and wages, which are comparatively high to certain other countries). Illegal immigrants are, for the most part, taking jobs “under the table” that don’t pay well and are difficult and dirty or dangerous enough that most people don’t want to do them (i.e., picking fruit or meatpacking). If anything, the jobs problem is primarily that the illegal immigrants have few rights compared to citizens and that employers take advantage of them. Richard Linklater’s “Fast Food Nation” (movie) gives a sense of what’s really going on for the illegal immigrants.

Another concern I’ve heard is that illegal aliens are taking advantage of social services that “we” (again, legal immigrants and their descendants) are paying for. That is so unfair! (crybaby) And it isn’t even much. Let’s do some math: Continue reading “the immigration issue”